literature

#8

Deviation Actions

shunflowershower's avatar
Published:
259 Views

Literature Text

I sit down every day
With a pen
And try my hardest to be honest
And I have found
That it is much easier
To find the cracks in everyone else
And fill them with my words
Than it is to look in a mirror
And see the gaping holes in myself.
I can tell you easily
And without a shake in my hands
Or a quiver in my voice
That the girl with long legs and pretty curls
Has lips made of flowers
And galaxies behind her eyes
I can tell you
That the girl with hair like
Wind and a shaky heart
Glows only because
She has paper thin skin
That's been chafed against too many times
And the liquor cabinet is
The only thing she loves that hasn't
Broken her yet.
I can tell you
That the girl who thinks
She's a background character
In everyone's lives
Keeps me up at night because
I haven't figured out how she's at once
Brutally, viciously, bitingly honest and still so
Soft she is the only person I know
That I can confidently say
Is a real human being
I will speak of myself
Not as flowers or galaxies or wind
But as storms and heat and wolves
Not because I am strong
Or powerful
But because raging under my skin
Are beasts that chew holes
With safety scissor teeth
Through my most important pieces
But only leave thin and ugly gashes
On my wrists or hips
In this respect
The pen is just as mighty as the blade
It has the same effect
The same creeping, oozing burn
The feeling you get when you know
You are just exactly Not Good Enough
Except at this one
Useless, melodramatic act
Only taken seriously if
You go deep enough
The only difference is
The type of people
That will applaud it.

I sit down every day
With my pen
And try to be honest
And I'm an expert
On speaking of my strengths, my fire, the afterglow of the criss cross cuts that
Decorate my skin
But keep the most vulnerable parts of me
Locked in a box along with a pair of old scissors and
A tube of bloodred lipstick
So at least I can be glamorous
When I pull them out
And whisper the words
I have never written
I wish
I wish
I wish
My lips were made of flowers
I wish my legs were long and my voice
Was a soft cluster of pearls
Tangled delicately at my throat
I wish I were brutally, viciously honest I wish
"daddy" was a word for "father" and was not always followed by "issues"
and murmured in my wake
I wish the first man
To touch my body
Had not drilled a hole that splintered me
Leaving me
Cold and warped
And hard
And useless
I wish i did not want more
From the girl with hair like wind
Than she can ever give me I wish
I were enough
For the boy that's so good at lying
He convinced himself he loved me I wish
I could believe him
I wish he still said things like
"You're so beautiful" in between kisses
I wish I wasn't sure
He could taste someone else's name on my lips
Just like I can taste somebody else's on his
I wish
I wish
I wish
That I could love myself as much as the girls
Who are older and more naive
Think I do
I wish I was not
Just a new exotic flavor
For another angsty white boy to taste test
I wish when they ran their hands along my waist
They would notice the ugly thin gashes
But they're always so scared of getting burned
That their hands gloss over the damaged parts of me
As if when my jagged edges touch theirs
They'll bleed too
As if it will hurt them
To invest themselves too much
In damaged goods like me
But most of all I wish
That these girls didn't wish so badly to run with wolves.
Comments0
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In